Monday, November 9, 2009
This is the post that I should be posting pictures of last Saturday's fun. concert at The Clubhouse in Tempe... but things went HORRIBLY HORRIBLY wrong, so instead just watch this new video from Brooklyn's A Place to Bury Strangers then sit back and read this riveting tale chaps!
When we got there it was more packed than a porn star attempting a DVDA and just as hot and humid. So we (my wife and our two friends we met up with) stepped out to have a smoke and get some fresh air (oxymoron I know) after being inside for less than 5 mins, when my friend Amber noticed a Jeep wrangler VERY similar to mine attached to the back of a tow truck making it's way across the parking lot. I immediately sprung into "fat man" action and sprinted across the parking lot and cut the tow truck off before he could make it out of the parking lot. He surprisingly stopped without running me over and we had a nice little negotiation (via my wife Jennifer's low cut shirt and ample bosoms) and we persuaded him to let us have my Jeep back for the paltry sum of $100 FUCKING DOLLARS as opposed to the normal $120, what a bargain! Unfortunately they had already towed my friends car to the impound lot.
This may sound just like an unfortunate story of a couple people who risked parking illegally and had to pay the price but I assure you this is NOT THE CASE! We both parked in the regular parking lot in two regular parking spaces. There did HAPPEN to be a sign in front of each spot saying "residents and customers only" but so did A LOT of other spots all over the parking lot. Figuring that since we were paying customers of The Clubhouse we fell under the "CUSTOMERS" umbrella. So how did they justify our towing? During our heated negotiation with the driver we went back to the spots and they were now covered with duct tape saying "ARCADE ONLY" the arcade being the CLOSED FOR THE DAY business we were parked in front of. In fact the tow truck driver that took my jeep was standing right in front of me when I parked. So that means that he waited for us to park THEN he stuck up some duct tape, wrote "ARCADE ONLY" and pretty much fucked me right in the face!
After pulling $100 out of the 7-11 ATM and handing it right over the fucking thief we then had to drive my friends to the impound yard to get THEIR car. We tried to talk to the guy there about what happened but that was an exercise in futility we just had to hear all about how there was nothing they could do and that it was a civil matter that would have to be taken up in court etc... etc... blah... blah... fucking blah...
When it's all said and done we no longer felt like going BACK to the Clubhouse, trying to find a place to park, watching the last 10 mins of fun. in a hot sweaty mess of tweens so we went to Yucca Tap Room instead and had a great rest of the night even if our bank account was $100 lighter.
The name of the tow truck company is SWAT Towing and they can go FUCK THEMSELVES TO DEATH! Just read those comments!